Conflict Resolution¶

Conflict is inevitable. How you handle it determines whether it strengthens or fractures your team.

The goal isn't to eliminate conflict—that's neither possible nor desirable. Healthy teams have disagreements. They debate technical approaches, challenge assumptions, and advocate for different priorities. That's productive conflict. The problem is when conflict becomes personal, when it festers unaddressed, or when it creates an environment where people don't feel safe.

This page is about addressing conflict early and constructively, before it damages relationships or performance.

What problem this solves¶

Without conflict resolution practices:

• Small disagreements escalate into resentment.
• People avoid difficult conversations, letting issues fester.
• Conflict becomes personal instead of productive.
• Trust erodes; collaboration suffers.
• High performers leave because the environment is toxic.
• Managers spend disproportionate time on interpersonal issues.

Good conflict resolution creates a team that can disagree, work through it, and come out stronger.

When to use this¶

Use these practices when:

• Two or more team members have ongoing friction.
• A disagreement is affecting collaboration or delivery.
• Someone feels unheard, dismissed, or disrespected.
• A debate has become personal rather than substantive.
• You notice avoidance patterns (people not working together, communication breakdown).
• A decision has left someone feeling steamrolled.

Recognize early signs:

• Terse or passive-aggressive communication.
• People talking about each other instead of to each other.
• Meetings become tense or unproductive.
• Collaboration slows because people avoid working together.
• Complaints surface in 1:1s instead of being addressed directly.

The earlier you address conflict, the easier it is to resolve.

Types of conflict¶

Understanding the type helps you choose the right approach:

Task conflict is healthy when managed well. Process conflict often signals unclear norms. Relationship conflict is the most damaging and requires the most care.

Roles in conflict resolution¶

Most conflict should be resolved between the parties involved. The manager's role is to support, not to solve on their behalf.

The resolution process¶

Level 1: Direct conversation¶

Most conflict should be resolved directly between the people involved.

Encourage individuals to:

1. Name the issue clearly. What happened? What's the impact?
2. Assume good intent. Start from "I think there's been a misunderstanding" not "you're wrong."
3. Focus on behavior and impact, not character. "When X happened, I felt Y" not "you're careless."
4. Listen to understand. Ask questions. Don't just wait to respond.
5. Seek resolution, not victory. What would make this better?

Conversation structure:

1. "I want to talk about [issue] because I value our working relationship."
2. "From my perspective, [what happened and how it affected you]."
3. "I'd like to understand your perspective."
4. [Listen]
5. "What can we do to move forward?"

If direct conversation doesn't work—or the relationship is too strained to attempt—escalate to the manager.

Level 2: Manager-facilitated discussion¶

When individuals can't resolve conflict themselves, the manager facilitates.

Preparation:

• Meet with each person individually first.
• Understand each perspective without taking sides.
• Assess whether a joint conversation is productive or premature.
• Create a safe space: private, enough time, no interruptions.

Facilitation structure:

1. Set the frame (5 min)
2. "We're here to understand each other's perspectives and find a path forward."
3. "Ground rules: no interrupting, focus on the issue not the person, assume good intent."

4. "My role is to facilitate, not to judge or decide who's right."

5. Each person shares their perspective (10 min each)

6. Uninterrupted. The other person listens.

7. Facilitator summarizes: "So what I'm hearing is..."

8. Identify common ground and differences (10 min)

9. "Where do you agree?"

10. "Where do you see things differently?"

11. Explore the underlying issue (15 min)

12. "What's really at stake here for you?"
13. "What do you need to move forward?"

14. Often the surface issue isn't the real issue.

15. Agree on next steps (10 min)

16. What will each person do differently?
17. What support do they need?

18. When will you check in again?

19. Close (5 min)

20. Acknowledge the courage it takes to have these conversations.
21. Reiterate commitment to working relationship.

Level 3: Escalation¶

Escalate when:

• Individuals refuse to engage in resolution.
• The conflict involves harassment, discrimination, or policy violations.
• Repeated facilitation hasn't worked.
• The conflict is significantly impacting team performance.

Escalation path:

1. Skip-level manager.
2. HR partner.
3. Formal processes (if policy violations involved).

Escalation isn't failure—it's appropriate use of organizational support.

What good looks like¶

A team that handles conflict well:

• Addresses issues early. Small disagreements don't become big resentments.
• Has direct conversations. People talk to each other, not about each other.
• Separates the issue from the person. You can disagree and still respect.
• Has psychological safety. People raise concerns without fear of retaliation.
• Moves forward. Conflict is resolved, not just suppressed.
• Learns from conflict. Uses it to improve processes and relationships.

Signs conflict is being handled well:

• Disagreements happen in the open, not in side channels.
• After decisions, people commit even if they disagreed.
• Relationships recover after friction.
• The team can name past conflicts and how they were resolved.

Failure modes and mitigations¶

Coaching questions for conflict¶

When someone brings you a conflict, coach them toward resolution:

• "What specifically happened?"
• "What's the impact on you? On the team?"
• "What do you think is driving their behavior?"
• "Have you talked to them directly?"
• "What would resolution look like?"
• "What's your role in this situation?"
• "What could you do differently?"
• "What support do you need from me?"

The goal is to help them take ownership, not to solve it for them.

Difficult conversation scripts¶

Starting a difficult conversation¶

"I want to talk about something that's been bothering me, because I value our working relationship. Is now a good time?"

"When [specific behavior], I felt [impact]. I don't think you intended that, but I wanted to share how it landed."

"Can you help me understand your perspective?"

When you're the one who caused friction¶

"I've realized that [what you did] may have come across poorly. That wasn't my intent, but I want to apologize for the impact."

"I appreciate you raising this. I hadn't realized how it landed. What would help?"

When emotions are high¶

"I can see this is important to both of us. Can we take a few minutes to collect our thoughts and then continue?"

"I want to understand, but I'm having a hard time hearing past [the frustration/the accusation]. Can we try again?"

Ending a difficult conversation¶

"Thank you for talking through this with me. I really appreciate it."

"To recap: we agreed [summary]. Does that match your understanding?"

"Can we check in again in [timeframe] to see how it's going?"

Copy-pastable artifact: Conflict resolution template¶

# Conflict Resolution: [Brief description]

**Date:** [Date]
**Parties involved:** [Names]
**Facilitator (if applicable):** [Name]

---

## Context

**What happened:**
[Objective description of the situation or events]

**How it surfaced:**
[How was the conflict identified? Who raised it?]

---

## Perspectives

### [Person A]'s perspective

[Their view of what happened, impact, and feelings]

### [Person B]'s perspective

[Their view of what happened, impact, and feelings]

---

## Discussion summary

**Common ground:**

- [What both parties agree on]

**Differences:**

- [Where perspectives differ]

**Underlying concerns:**

- [What's really at stake for each person]

---

## Resolution

**Agreements:**

- [What each person commits to]

**Support needed:**

- [Any support from manager, team, or others]

**Follow-up:**

- [When and how you'll check in]

---

## Outcome (completed after follow-up)

**Date of follow-up:** [Date]

**Status:**

- [ ] Resolved
- [ ] In progress
- [ ] Escalated

**Notes:**
[What's changed? Any remaining concerns?]

When conflict is about you¶

Sometimes you're part of the conflict. When someone raises an issue with you:

1. Listen fully. Don't interrupt or get defensive.
2. Acknowledge their experience. "I hear that this was frustrating for you."
3. Take responsibility. If you contributed, own it.
4. Seek to understand. "Can you tell me more about what would help?"
5. Agree on next steps. What will you do differently?
6. Follow through. Actions matter more than words.

If you disagree with their characterization, say so respectfully—but first make sure they feel heard.

Related pages¶

• Working Agreements — Prevent conflict by making expectations explicit.
• One-on-Ones — Where conflict often surfaces first.
• Feedback Frameworks — How to deliver difficult messages.
• Culture: Engineering Culture — The environment where conflict happens.
• Templates: Conflict Resolution Template — Detailed documentation template.