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One-on-Ones

One-on-ones are not status updates. They are the most important feedback and sensing mechanism you have as a leader.

Done well, they build trust, surface problems early, and create clarity around growth and expectations. Done poorly—or skipped—they become a source of anxiety, misalignment, and missed signals. Most managers underestimate how much damage an inconsistent one-on-one practice causes: small issues compound into resignations, misaligned expectations become performance problems, and the trust that enables hard conversations never develops.

This page describes how to run one-on-ones as a reliable system, not an improvised conversation.

The problem one-on-ones solve

In growing teams, most failures don't come from lack of talent. They come from misaligned expectations, unspoken concerns, delayed feedback, and burnout signals noticed too late.

One-on-ones create a protected space to address these before they become incidents, attrition, or performance issues. They are the primary mechanism for:

  • Building the trust that enables hard conversations.
  • Sensing team health before problems become crises.
  • Delivering feedback while it's still actionable.
  • Understanding individual motivations and growth goals.
  • Maintaining connection in remote-first environments where casual hallway conversations don't exist.

Without this practice, you're navigating with delayed signals. By the time issues surface in other venues—skip-levels, exit interviews, performance reviews—the window for easy intervention has closed.

When to use this approach

Use this playbook if:

  • You manage or tech-lead people directly and want a consistent, fair approach to growth conversations.
  • You work in a remote-first or distributed setup where relationship-building requires more intentionality.
  • You want to catch problems early rather than at performance review time.
  • You care about psychological safety without lowering standards.

This playbook also works for skip-level one-on-ones, though the focus shifts from direct coaching to organizational sensing and career sponsorship.

When this approach is not enough

One-on-ones are a foundation, not a substitute for:

  • Formal performance reviews. One-on-ones inform reviews but don't replace them.
  • Incident postmortems. Systemic issues need systemic analysis.
  • Conflict mediation. When trust is broken or interpersonal conflict is escalated, you may need facilitated resolution.
  • Mental health support. You can notice signals and express care, but you're not a therapist. Know your limits and have referral paths ready.

Roles and responsibilities

Role Responsibilities
Manager / Tech Lead Create a safe, predictable space. Listen actively. Follow up on commitments. Own the cadence.
Team member Bring topics, concerns, and goals. Be honest about challenges. Use the time for growth, not just status.
Both Protect the time. Treat it as non-negotiable. Maintain shared notes for continuity.

The manager owns the system; the team member owns the agenda. This division matters. If you—as the manager—fill the time with your topics, you lose the sensing benefit and the team member learns their concerns aren't the priority.

Cadence and structure

Cadence

  • Weekly or biweekly: Never less frequent than biweekly for direct reports. Weekly is better when building trust with a new report, during challenging projects, or when someone is struggling.
  • Fixed time slot: Same day, same time. Predictability reduces anxiety and prevents constant rescheduling.
  • Never ad-hoc only: "Let me know if you need to talk" is not a one-on-one practice. It puts the burden on the team member and signals that the relationship isn't a priority.

Duration

45–60 minutes is ideal. Shorter meetings often feel rushed, especially if difficult topics arise. If you consistently finish early, that's fine—but build in the buffer.

Format

  • Video preferred in remote settings. Cameras on when possible—you lose significant signal without visual cues.
  • Walking one-on-ones work well for co-located teams or when someone needs a lower-stakes environment.
  • Shared document for agenda and notes, accessible to both parties.

Process: running effective one-on-ones

Before the meeting

Both parties review the shared document. The team member adds their topics. You add any feedback or context you need to share. This preparation prevents the "I don't have anything" dynamic and ensures time is used well.

Step 1: Check-in (5–10 minutes)

Create space to land. This isn't small talk—it's calibration.

  • "How are you feeling this week?"
  • "How's your energy? Anything on your mind outside of work that's affecting your focus?"
  • "On a scale of 1–10, how sustainable does your current workload feel?"

Pay attention to patterns. If someone consistently says "fine" but their body language or tone suggests otherwise, gently probe. If energy is low for multiple weeks, that's a signal worth exploring.

Step 2: Team member's agenda (20–30 minutes)

This is their time. Your job is to listen, ask clarifying questions, and help them think through problems—not to solve everything for them.

Common topics include:

  • Workload and priorities ("I'm spread across too many things")
  • Friction with processes or people ("The deploy process is killing us")
  • Feedback—upward, sideways, or requests for your input
  • Growth and aspirations ("I want to lead a project")
  • Concerns about team dynamics or organizational direction

If they don't bring topics, don't fill the silence with your agenda. Instead, use prompts:

  • "What's the most frustrating part of your work right now?"
  • "What would you change about how we work if you could?"
  • "What skill do you most want to develop this quarter?"
  • "Is there anything you're not telling me that you wish I knew?"

Step 3: Your agenda (10–15 minutes)

Use this time sparingly. The moment your agenda dominates, the meeting becomes about you, not them.

Use your time for:

  • Clear feedback: Specific, timely, and growth-oriented. Don't save up feedback for performance reviews.
  • Context on upcoming changes: Org changes, roadmap shifts, team composition—share early so people aren't surprised.
  • Alignment on expectations: If something needs to change in how they're working, be direct.

Avoid using this time for project status. That belongs in standups, sprint reviews, or async updates.

Step 4: Wrap-up (5 minutes)

  • Summarize key points: "Here's what I heard..."
  • Agree on follow-ups with clear owners and timelines.
  • End with a forward look: "Anything you want to make sure we cover next time?"

Templates and scripts

Shared one-on-one agenda template

# One-on-One: [Name] + [Manager]

Date: [Date]

## Check-in

- Energy level (1-10):
- Anything affecting focus:

## [Name]'s topics

- Topic 1
- Topic 2

## [Manager]'s topics

- Feedback or context

## Growth & development

- Current focus area:
- Progress / blockers:

## Follow-ups

| Action | Owner | Due |
| ------ | ----- | --- |
|        |       |     |

## Notes

[Captured during or after the meeting]

Script: Opening a one-on-one

"This time is yours. I'm here to listen, help you think through challenges,
and make sure you have what you need to succeed. What's on your mind?"

Script: Giving constructive feedback

"I want to share some feedback to help you grow. In [situation], I observed
[specific behavior]. The impact was [consequence]. What I'd suggest trying
is [alternative]. What's your reaction to that?"

Script: When someone says 'everything is fine'

"I'm glad things are going well. Let me ask a different question: if you
could change one thing about how we work as a team, what would it be?"

Script: Closing the loop on a past topic

"Last time you mentioned [topic]. I wanted to follow up—how did that go?
Is there anything else you need from me on it?"

Signals that one-on-ones are working

Signal What it indicates
Team member brings their own agenda They trust the space and see value in it
Issues raised early You're getting leading indicators, not lagging ones
Feedback flows both ways Psychological safety is real, not theater
Performance reviews hold no surprises Continuous feedback is landing
You understand their career goals The relationship is about growth, not just delivery
Energy and motivation are visible You have signal on sustainability
Attrition is low and understood People feel seen and supported

Failure modes and mitigations

Failure mode What it looks like Mitigation
Status meeting Project updates dominate; growth topics never arise Move status async; open with "What's on your mind?"
Manager-led agenda You talk most of the time; team member stays passive Require them to add topics before the meeting; be comfortable with silence
Inconsistent cadence Meetings frequently cancelled or rescheduled Treat as non-negotiable; reschedule same week if conflict arises
Avoiding hard topics "Everything's fine" every week despite visible struggles Model vulnerability; ask specific questions; share your own challenges
No follow-through Action items discussed but never completed Track follow-ups visibly; review them at start of next meeting
Surface-level conversation Topics stay safe; real concerns stay hidden Build trust over time; share context they might not have; acknowledge when things are hard

Special cases

New direct reports

In the first few weeks, meet more frequently (weekly at minimum) and focus on:

  • Understanding their working style and communication preferences.
  • Learning what motivates them and what drains them.
  • Setting clear expectations about the one-on-one itself.
  • Building the trust foundation that enables harder conversations later.

Remote and async-heavy teams

In remote-first environments, one-on-ones are even more critical because you've lost the ambient signal of in-person presence. Supplement with:

  • Cameras on to capture non-verbal cues.
  • Explicit check-ins on energy and sustainability.
  • Written summaries so context isn't lost between meetings.
  • Occasional longer conversations that allow for deeper topics.

Skip-level one-on-ones

With skip-level reports, the focus shifts:

  • Less coaching, more listening.
  • Sensing organizational health: "What's working? What's frustrating?"
  • Career sponsorship: understanding their goals and looking for opportunities.
  • Trust-building for escalation: they should know they can come to you if needed.

Frequency: monthly is typical for skip-levels.

FAQ

Should I cancel a one-on-one if there's "nothing to talk about"?

No. That's often when they matter most. The absence of topics can mean trust isn't built yet, or that they don't believe the space is theirs. Keep the meeting. Use prompts. Be comfortable with silence.

Should one-on-ones be documented?

Yes, lightly. Shared notes help with continuity, ensure follow-ups are tracked, and provide fairness (what's discussed is visible to both parties). Don't create a transcript—capture key points and actions.

Can one-on-ones include personal topics?

Only if the team member brings them up. You're not their therapist, but you are a human who cares about them. If they share something personal, listen with empathy, respect boundaries, and know when to suggest professional support.

What if someone never brings topics?

Help them learn how. Provide prompts in the shared doc. Normalize that the meeting is theirs. Check if there are trust issues you need to address. Some people need explicit permission to use the time for themselves.

How do I handle someone who only wants to vent?

Venting has value—sometimes people need to be heard. But if it becomes a pattern, shift to problem-solving: "I hear that this is frustrating. What do you think we could change? What's in your control? What do you need from me?"